Love?

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy or boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

These days I've been thinking a lot about these words from 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is patient: How often am I impatient? I have nine weeks until I see my man again, and I find myself only growing more impatient, but if I love him, then I will be patient.
Love is kind: I feel no kindness in my heart toward a certain person at work and I think that at this point I would leap at the chance to get him removed from his position. Is that kind? Not really, yes he is the most annoying person on this planet, but does kindness only apply to people who are not obnoxious?
It does not envy: How often do I envy, as I was speaking with another friend of mine who is in a long distance relationship and she was going on and on about how difficult it was and how she could only talk to this guy on the phone every week, and only skype a few times a week I found myself comparing my own long distance relationship to hers and becoming a little envious. We talk on weekends, once or sometimes twice.
It does not boast: No, I'm not a big boaster, but I do find myself trying to make others like me more, I will boast in a joking manner in an attempt to get a compliment out of another person. The funny thing is that it never works.
It is not proud: Pride is always the bottom line isn't it? I have often in a church service found myself thinking things like "Oh come on! That's not what that verse means!" But how would I know? I didn't write it, and one persons interpretation could be just as good as another persons.
It does not dishonor others: ok, my boss, I have long since given up on any attempt to honor him. It seems that when new people arrive at my workplace they are not a friend of mine until they join me in saying something about the boss. Yes, everything we say is true, but does that make it right to speak it?
It is not self seeking: In an effort to not be self seeking this week I told my man that I would be ok if he called me less since he is very busy and it is quite the effort on his part to call. I am convincing myself that it might be good for me.
It is not easily angered: Every time I buy cheese my sister eats about half of it, and it makes me more angry than anything else when something that was mine, that I paid for with my own hard earned money is taken and treated as though it was not mine. If I was not easily angered it would take a lot more than missing cheese to make me come unraveled.
It keeps no record of wrongs: When it comes to my boss and a few other people in my life I have a long list in my head of all the reasons I should still be angry with them. Forgiveness is a process.
Love does not delight in evil: I can honestly say this might be the only one that I don't feel convicted by, I hate evil, love hates evil, so we might be good on that account.
But rejoices with the truth: Sometimes I do, but honestly, sometimes I just don't care enough to rejoice.
It always protects: For me, this would mean not talking bad about people,or not telling people things that will hurt them or concern them. I talk to much, I'm afraid, and I'm not quite there yet.
Always trusts: I don't know how many times I have been distrustful toward the Lord and because I didn't think He was going to work on my behalf I simply went ahead and was impulsive in my decisions.
Always hopes: What is hope? Hope is a certainty that God's promises WILL come to pass. It is a confident expectation of what is to come. Lately I've lost that confident expectation and getting it back is a battle.
Always perseveres: this word always makes me think of running. No matter what your legs are telling you or what your lungs are telling you, you're supposed to keep going, adjust the speed if need be, but you've got to figure out a way to breath, and you just have to get past the pain until you can't feel it any more. What they always say it that it's all mental. Well, taking that and relating it to real life, there are painful moments, or days, or weeks, and I just have to keep pressing through those until I can't feel the pain any more. I guess until I reach the Lord it's as if He is carrying me through the pain.
Looking at all this I have to wonder, do I really love anyone? Do I really have love? Do I even know what love is? I can only pray that God would help to grasp it and perhaps someday I'll get there.