Canada

I recently returned from a trip to Toronto Canada. I learned some great things while I was there.
I was a little nervous about this trip, mostly because I wasn't sure if my car would make it, but also because I was going to see some of the people I know from Kirkland, WA.

 You may be thinking that seeing my old friends is no reason to be nervous but allow me to explain. I may not be the same person I was when I left WA almost a year ago. I have found myself questioning so much since I've come back to live in MI and I'm always nervous that something will slip out and my friends will suddenly see that I'm not a part of their community anymore. It's not that I'm offended (though certainly I've struggled with that), it's just that I don't agree with some of the things that I used to think were awesome. I've grown fond of a simpler life which I've found here in the past eleven months.

 On this trip I saw someone who I greatly respected and admired while I lived in Kirkland and I realized something new about myself; I've moved on. While I used to look to this man to be sort of a second father to me, and was not disappointed at the time in that regard, it has recently occurred to me that I don't need a second father. My own father and my heavenly Father are enough.

  I have a hard time putting into words the change I've gone through, perhaps because I'm still struggling, and I'm still changing. I'm not a nondenominational Christian anymore, I'm a much more reserved and conservative Christian on my way to becoming a Lutheran. I like when Church is predictable and simple. I like when sermons are short. I like peace. I value my family more than any Church community. When you're in the Masters Commission you imagine that you'll never change after you get out, so when you do change it's only natural to feel some sort of shame about it. Still I don't need to feel that way, because I'm not in a bad place, only a different place.
  I guess what I'm trying to say is that, although I still love the people, I don't think I fit in there. 
  So there you have it. I've been afraid to say it for a long time and now you know. I'm not like you and I never have been, nor will I ever be. I love the Lord and that's enough. Simplicity is all I've ever wanted.


  Another thing I learned while I was on this trip is that I'm really not much for travel. I enjoy getting out of town, but I don't like crowds, and Toronto is made of crowds. Also foreigners make me nervous so being that I was suddenly the foreigner I was very nervous indeed. I'd say that I wanted to go home the second night that I was there. I guess I like my trips to be short and sweet. Still I had fun even after that.

  I got to spend time with some good friends who I haven't seen in a while, and (despite my fears) they did not condemn me for who I am. I ate the best Pho I've ever had, I bought some records including The Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, and The King and I. I bought a tea infuser that is (get this) a rubber ducky! And I got my Dad a birthday present that I know he'll love (ehem, coffee). I also bought two new loose leaf teas; Iced Princess -green tea and black tea mixed with dried apples, hibiscus, papaya bits, and orange peel - it smells incredible though I have yet to try it, I'm nervous that I won't like it. And the other tea I bought is called Coconut Cream and is green tea with almond leaves, white chocolate flakes and coconut slices.

  In Canada they have this chocolate called Aero, it's full of air bubbles and it's delicious, it comes in mint, orange, and milk chocolate, I think I had some every day that I was, the mint is the best because it tastes just like an Andes mint and those are never big enough. Also instead of Gummy Bears they had Jelly Babies, so I got those for the sibs only because they made me laugh. Probably one of the funnest candies there is called a Kinder Egg, it's just a hollow chocolate egg with a little plastic case on the inside and a toy inside of that, the chocolate is different too, it's very creamy and just so good. Oh and if I ever see my Botany professor again I can tell her that I tried Mango-stein; her favorite fruit. It's from Thailand and it really doesn't compare to any of our fruits so I can't really describe it, but it was every bit as wonderful as she repeatedly declared it to be.

  Our main struggle there was with dehydration. If I ever return to Canada (though I do not plan on it) I will bring a ten gallon jug of water! I guess I always thought that Canada was a cool place, but no, it was in the upper 90's the entire time I was there. I even got a sunburn!

On the way back we got to see Niagara Falls, and that was incredible!

 I'd rate the trip an eight out of ten, but I don't want to do it again.

Distance

When there was none
Even then there was some
I looked and I saw
I saw no more

When you were here
I was there
It hurt to breath
knowing that it's not the same air

If you were near
All would be dear
as it is there is no life
emptiness fills me so nothing else fits

When I was with you
I was not with you
The distance is inside my head
The distance is breaking my heart

Too little space
is too much space
Hold me because I need you
Hold me until we are one