All through my life I've felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. I've felt like every place and every situation that I've been in just didn't match up with me, and like I didn't belong.
Recently I've been realizing that with all the pain and brokenness I've gone through in the last few months I've become a wounded heart walking in a world of other wounded hearts, where suddenly I belong.
I guess all it took was being lied to, hurt and abandoned and I would be just like everyone else.
Now that I've been lied to, and had my heart broken I finally fit in with the rest of this messed up world.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Monday, November 19, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Healing every wound
They always say that God will heal our every wound. I believe that this is truth. But I've realized that there is something we can do to hinder that process of healing.
I used to cut myself and the first time I did it I actually had a scratch that I'd received while mowing the lawn and I just kept that scratch from healing for as long as I could.
I think that's what we do with God, when something in life wounds us deeply we can either allow Him to heal it, or we can keep ripping it open again as we rehash it all out in our mind over and over again.
People hurt each other, that's just what we do. We live in a fallen world where sin is predominate and it is our first impulse.
I was wounded sometime in the last few months, and I didn't think I could ever heal, and I gave the one who hurt me many opportunities to make it better, but he never did, in fact he continued to hurt me. As I sank deeper and deeper into depression I reached out to him to help me out. But he was wounded too, and he was keeping his wounds from healing. He didn't know what to do with me, so he distanced himself from me, probably thinking that I would get better with time, or that I would toughen up if he withheld affection from me.
I finally realized that I had to stop putting myself in harms way, I couldn't live with being yelled at for crying, and I couldn't stand to hear the words "if you want someone who will be there for you then you should choose someone else." and I gave up what I loved most in life, the one I thought would always take care of me, the one I was ready to give my life to, the one who's name I would have taken as my own.
There's a lot that goes into relationships, and when you are the only one working for a relationship you should take a good look at your partner. You should pray and fast and ask your partner to do the same until you hear an answer. And if during your fast your partner drops the ball and decides that he may as well just be an alcoholic since maybe you don't want him anymore, you should probably give him up.
So that's what I did.
Now it's my turn to allow God to heal my heart, and not to rehash it all in my mind every single day. It's a conscious decision I have to make.
Father, I need you to heal me.
I used to cut myself and the first time I did it I actually had a scratch that I'd received while mowing the lawn and I just kept that scratch from healing for as long as I could.
I think that's what we do with God, when something in life wounds us deeply we can either allow Him to heal it, or we can keep ripping it open again as we rehash it all out in our mind over and over again.
People hurt each other, that's just what we do. We live in a fallen world where sin is predominate and it is our first impulse.
I was wounded sometime in the last few months, and I didn't think I could ever heal, and I gave the one who hurt me many opportunities to make it better, but he never did, in fact he continued to hurt me. As I sank deeper and deeper into depression I reached out to him to help me out. But he was wounded too, and he was keeping his wounds from healing. He didn't know what to do with me, so he distanced himself from me, probably thinking that I would get better with time, or that I would toughen up if he withheld affection from me.
I finally realized that I had to stop putting myself in harms way, I couldn't live with being yelled at for crying, and I couldn't stand to hear the words "if you want someone who will be there for you then you should choose someone else." and I gave up what I loved most in life, the one I thought would always take care of me, the one I was ready to give my life to, the one who's name I would have taken as my own.
There's a lot that goes into relationships, and when you are the only one working for a relationship you should take a good look at your partner. You should pray and fast and ask your partner to do the same until you hear an answer. And if during your fast your partner drops the ball and decides that he may as well just be an alcoholic since maybe you don't want him anymore, you should probably give him up.
So that's what I did.
Now it's my turn to allow God to heal my heart, and not to rehash it all in my mind every single day. It's a conscious decision I have to make.
Father, I need you to heal me.
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