I've been stuck on a certain theme in my relationship with the Lord lately. Adoption. I can't seem to stop thinking about the fact that the God of all the universe loved me and He adopted me. I didn't do anything to deserve it, and I can do nothing now to justify it. He did it just because He wanted to, because He admired and esteemed me and so He thought to Himself "I want her as my own daughter!" Then He reached down and pulled me out of my own muck and despair and called me His own.
Why???? I don't think I'll ever know.
Still if only I could get this revelation to go deep, I don't think I would have a problem with understanding my worth, and understanding my identity. I don't think that I would ever again struggle with insecurity or fear.
Father go deep, help me to grasp this love that you have taken hold of me for.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
subconscious attack
In the past, my nightmares have been juvenile, filled with your typical monsters and witches, bears and snakes and spiders and tigers, even this random man in a yellow raincoat and detective hat who would shine a flashlight in my eyes. They were scary when I dreamed them but when I awoke I wondered why a flashlight was even scary. Perhaps nightmares grow up when we grow up, because they aren't like that any more. For the past two weeks I've been plagued in my sleep. I wake up feeling unhappy and frustrated and it's all I can do to drag myself to Jesus and tell Him all about it.
It started with a dream that I was on a bus talking to two small children, a brother and a sister. The girls name was Piper and the boys name was CannonHill. The little boy was telling me how unhappy he was that everyone made fun of his name, and that his Mommy didn't care. I hugged him and told him that he was a very special boy and I would be his friend. We came to their stop and one of them opened the door before the bus stopped. They both fell out and hit the road. They just lay there with their heads all smashed and I ran to make sure they were still alive. When I was satisfied that they were I told them to hold still and that I would call 911. It was all so realistic and awful. After I finished talking to the 911 dispatcher I turned and saw that Piper had vanished. I started looking for her and calling her name. I knew that she couldn't move herself so she must have been kidnapped. I happened upon a little trailer house and heard her crying inside. I burst in and could still hear her but it was as if she was inside the walls, I couldn't find her anywhere. Then a two foot tall bearded man came around the corner. So scary! He charged me and we fought, finally I pinned him down and yelled at him to tell me where she was. He said and a creepy little voice that he would never tell me but that if I let him go I could search the place. So I did and he ran off. I began searching, I called her name but I couldn't hear her anymore. I was panicking because I knew that she could die if she missed the ambulance. Then the little man returned and began shredding all the papers in his house with his name. I asked him again where she was and stressed to him the urgency of the situation. He laughed and said that I would never find her. I woke up freaking out.
A few nights later I dreamed that I was looking for something in my house in MI, a little girl was helping me. She ran into my parents room shouting "In here, in here, I saw it in here." and suddenly she vanished. I ran to the spot she'd vanished and looking down I saw a hole in the floor. In it were many things that I hadn't seen in a long time, mostly lost books. I got down on the floor and put my head through the hole and saw that there was a whole room under there with green shag carpet and stacks of things that had gone missing. Mostly I saw books, but there were some toys and clothes and socks and even a world globe. Then I saw that same little man from my other dream dashing about singing to himself how smart he was that he could steel everything and no one would ever find it. He was pretty pleased with the fact that he could even steal a little girl. I found out that he had hidden her in our old cistern, but there was no way I could get to it. Then I woke up.
Then a few nights later I dreamed that I was walking down a street and this guy called me ugly. I told him that I didn't care what he thought of me, and then I tried to kick him in the shin, it didn't work at all, it was as if there was a force field all about him that prevented me from even touching him. Then I turned and ran away and he started chasing me. I ran through a maze of cement rooms and doors. Finally I couldn't run anymore so I turned to hold the door shut to the room I'd entered. He burst through and grabbed me by the neck and then carried me away into another room where he killed me. After I died and he left me, and I went back out of that room and discovered that the last door I could have gone through before he'd caught me led into a huge church where there were cots lying everywhere. I laid down on one and a nurse came and asked me questions. Then I woke up feeling disgusting.
And last but not least, the night before last night I dreamed that I was going to rescue a four year old little boy from his abusive father. There was a man I was working with and together we were gathering clues to stand up against the father. It became apparent that the reason I knew about the abuse in the first place was because the man was also my father and the boy was my half brother. In our search for clues we discovered that the little boy had been crucified. We found a cross in the mans yard and I was so horrified that I started crying and hyperventilating and asking the man I was with how the child could even live through this. Then we decided we had enough evidence and we went to the father. We stepped up on his front porch and were surrounded by people with sabers pointing them at us. I woke up feeling sad.
So my question is why. Is there a reason for all these creepy and odd dreams? Do they mean anything? Or are they just warfare? If anyone has any sort of revelation on these dreams please let me know. Comment please. I want to know how to pray and I want to know what it is that is coming against me. Thanks!
It started with a dream that I was on a bus talking to two small children, a brother and a sister. The girls name was Piper and the boys name was CannonHill. The little boy was telling me how unhappy he was that everyone made fun of his name, and that his Mommy didn't care. I hugged him and told him that he was a very special boy and I would be his friend. We came to their stop and one of them opened the door before the bus stopped. They both fell out and hit the road. They just lay there with their heads all smashed and I ran to make sure they were still alive. When I was satisfied that they were I told them to hold still and that I would call 911. It was all so realistic and awful. After I finished talking to the 911 dispatcher I turned and saw that Piper had vanished. I started looking for her and calling her name. I knew that she couldn't move herself so she must have been kidnapped. I happened upon a little trailer house and heard her crying inside. I burst in and could still hear her but it was as if she was inside the walls, I couldn't find her anywhere. Then a two foot tall bearded man came around the corner. So scary! He charged me and we fought, finally I pinned him down and yelled at him to tell me where she was. He said and a creepy little voice that he would never tell me but that if I let him go I could search the place. So I did and he ran off. I began searching, I called her name but I couldn't hear her anymore. I was panicking because I knew that she could die if she missed the ambulance. Then the little man returned and began shredding all the papers in his house with his name. I asked him again where she was and stressed to him the urgency of the situation. He laughed and said that I would never find her. I woke up freaking out.
A few nights later I dreamed that I was looking for something in my house in MI, a little girl was helping me. She ran into my parents room shouting "In here, in here, I saw it in here." and suddenly she vanished. I ran to the spot she'd vanished and looking down I saw a hole in the floor. In it were many things that I hadn't seen in a long time, mostly lost books. I got down on the floor and put my head through the hole and saw that there was a whole room under there with green shag carpet and stacks of things that had gone missing. Mostly I saw books, but there were some toys and clothes and socks and even a world globe. Then I saw that same little man from my other dream dashing about singing to himself how smart he was that he could steel everything and no one would ever find it. He was pretty pleased with the fact that he could even steal a little girl. I found out that he had hidden her in our old cistern, but there was no way I could get to it. Then I woke up.
Then a few nights later I dreamed that I was walking down a street and this guy called me ugly. I told him that I didn't care what he thought of me, and then I tried to kick him in the shin, it didn't work at all, it was as if there was a force field all about him that prevented me from even touching him. Then I turned and ran away and he started chasing me. I ran through a maze of cement rooms and doors. Finally I couldn't run anymore so I turned to hold the door shut to the room I'd entered. He burst through and grabbed me by the neck and then carried me away into another room where he killed me. After I died and he left me, and I went back out of that room and discovered that the last door I could have gone through before he'd caught me led into a huge church where there were cots lying everywhere. I laid down on one and a nurse came and asked me questions. Then I woke up feeling disgusting.
And last but not least, the night before last night I dreamed that I was going to rescue a four year old little boy from his abusive father. There was a man I was working with and together we were gathering clues to stand up against the father. It became apparent that the reason I knew about the abuse in the first place was because the man was also my father and the boy was my half brother. In our search for clues we discovered that the little boy had been crucified. We found a cross in the mans yard and I was so horrified that I started crying and hyperventilating and asking the man I was with how the child could even live through this. Then we decided we had enough evidence and we went to the father. We stepped up on his front porch and were surrounded by people with sabers pointing them at us. I woke up feeling sad.
So my question is why. Is there a reason for all these creepy and odd dreams? Do they mean anything? Or are they just warfare? If anyone has any sort of revelation on these dreams please let me know. Comment please. I want to know how to pray and I want to know what it is that is coming against me. Thanks!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
free in love
Today I saw your sky fall down
I saw it in your eyes
The disappointment took your light
Like when a star dies
One moment you were full of joy
Life and laughter bounding
The next you were a broken toy
Lifeless, limp and drowning
Your heart had shattered, I could see
Into a million pieces
And you were crying to be free
But this pain never ceases
Today I watched him steal your heart
Without a second thought
I watched him break it all apart
You cried as well you aught
You tried to hold together
To put it all to right
But nothing in the world
Could ever change this night
I watched it all, and I was there
I saw that thing he did
I want to show you I am here
His sin will not be hid
The brokenness upon your face
Will turn once more to lovely grace
I won’t leave you alone to run
My restoration has begun
I’ve locked the door and shut him out
It’s only you and me
Now cry your pain, cry and shout
And I will make you see
That I alone can right this wrong
And I will set you free
Then you and I will sing our song
And dance upon your chains
And flowers will grow here once more
Watered by these rains.
I saw it in your eyes
The disappointment took your light
Like when a star dies
One moment you were full of joy
Life and laughter bounding
The next you were a broken toy
Lifeless, limp and drowning
Your heart had shattered, I could see
Into a million pieces
And you were crying to be free
But this pain never ceases
Today I watched him steal your heart
Without a second thought
I watched him break it all apart
You cried as well you aught
You tried to hold together
To put it all to right
But nothing in the world
Could ever change this night
I watched it all, and I was there
I saw that thing he did
I want to show you I am here
His sin will not be hid
The brokenness upon your face
Will turn once more to lovely grace
I won’t leave you alone to run
My restoration has begun
I’ve locked the door and shut him out
It’s only you and me
Now cry your pain, cry and shout
And I will make you see
That I alone can right this wrong
And I will set you free
Then you and I will sing our song
And dance upon your chains
And flowers will grow here once more
Watered by these rains.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Look
One day I saw a father give his daughter a look.
Then something inside me lept and all I knew was that all of a sudden, I wanted to be that daughter and I wanted to recieve that look.
It's hard to describe the look, it somehow contains every good thing I can think of. The look is a mixture of joy, pride, and pleasant surprise. It's a look that says "She's mine!" and at the same time it's a look that says "She's mine?" The look is more than just a smile and an eyebrow raise, there is something in the eyes. But the greatest and most amazing thing about the look is that it is full of love. This look is seen when a daughter is born, and it's seen again when a daughter wins and when a daughter is married, but there are so many other times when the look appears. It's not always noticed by the daughter, but it's there just the same.
Why do I find myself so drawn to that look? What is it about that look that I want so badly?
Maybe I haven't noticed it before, maybe I haven't seen it before, whatever it is, I know that I have to see it now.
All daughters are made to see that look, it's something that can not be replaced by any amount of flowers or letters or even words. The look gives the daughter a sense of belonging and of being loved. Every daughter longs to see that look directed at herself. Those of us who have the look don't even realize all the time that we do. The daughter doesn't even know that the look is what she wants, she knows that she has a longing but she doesn't know what it is for. If her father for whatever reason never gave her the look, she tries to replace the look with a different look, the one of the lover, but still there is something in the look of a father that is not found in the look of a lover. Perhaps the look of a lover is meant to compliment the look of a father.
Where do fathers get that look? Where does it come from? It's a reflection. The look that comes across a fathers face when he looks at his daughter is an imitation of a look that he has seen elsewhere, in the face of The Father. Those fathers that can't give the look are those fathers that do not know the look. They can't imitate what they've never seen.
Suddenly I understand. The look is not meant to stay with the father and the daughter, the look is designed to draw the daughter to the original look. Just as a reflection is good to look at there is something in the real thing that is deeper and more real, you can touch it, you can hear it, but a reflection is contained, it's almost as if there is a person stuck inside a mirror.
A fathers look is meant to be like a stepping stone, the daughter can step on that stone and be that much closer to The Fathers Look, or she can ignore the look, or she can just assume that the look is as good as it gets. But sooner or later you have to see the original, if you've been staring at a copy all your life there is still something to be desired. Do you just want a look or do you want The Look?
I've seen a look, and it leaves me wanting more, but that's good, that's what it's for, now I'm ready to dive into The Look. A look is just a teaser, a hint of something better.
Some daughters are missing that stepping stone, but The Father is good, and He always provides a new stepping stone. He provides it in a Pastor, or in an adopted father, He provides it in allowing her to see another father interacting with his daughter.
So now we've come full circle and there is the father, and there is the daughter. He gives her the look, will she seek the original? I see the look, given to her, and I find myself wanting to be her, but no, wait, there is a reason that I got to glimpse that special look, it's to draw me deeper, to The Father, to His special Look.
I'm grateful for the copy, but I must see the original. I must see The Look.
Then something inside me lept and all I knew was that all of a sudden, I wanted to be that daughter and I wanted to recieve that look.
It's hard to describe the look, it somehow contains every good thing I can think of. The look is a mixture of joy, pride, and pleasant surprise. It's a look that says "She's mine!" and at the same time it's a look that says "She's mine?" The look is more than just a smile and an eyebrow raise, there is something in the eyes. But the greatest and most amazing thing about the look is that it is full of love. This look is seen when a daughter is born, and it's seen again when a daughter wins and when a daughter is married, but there are so many other times when the look appears. It's not always noticed by the daughter, but it's there just the same.
Why do I find myself so drawn to that look? What is it about that look that I want so badly?
Maybe I haven't noticed it before, maybe I haven't seen it before, whatever it is, I know that I have to see it now.
All daughters are made to see that look, it's something that can not be replaced by any amount of flowers or letters or even words. The look gives the daughter a sense of belonging and of being loved. Every daughter longs to see that look directed at herself. Those of us who have the look don't even realize all the time that we do. The daughter doesn't even know that the look is what she wants, she knows that she has a longing but she doesn't know what it is for. If her father for whatever reason never gave her the look, she tries to replace the look with a different look, the one of the lover, but still there is something in the look of a father that is not found in the look of a lover. Perhaps the look of a lover is meant to compliment the look of a father.
Where do fathers get that look? Where does it come from? It's a reflection. The look that comes across a fathers face when he looks at his daughter is an imitation of a look that he has seen elsewhere, in the face of The Father. Those fathers that can't give the look are those fathers that do not know the look. They can't imitate what they've never seen.
Suddenly I understand. The look is not meant to stay with the father and the daughter, the look is designed to draw the daughter to the original look. Just as a reflection is good to look at there is something in the real thing that is deeper and more real, you can touch it, you can hear it, but a reflection is contained, it's almost as if there is a person stuck inside a mirror.
A fathers look is meant to be like a stepping stone, the daughter can step on that stone and be that much closer to The Fathers Look, or she can ignore the look, or she can just assume that the look is as good as it gets. But sooner or later you have to see the original, if you've been staring at a copy all your life there is still something to be desired. Do you just want a look or do you want The Look?
I've seen a look, and it leaves me wanting more, but that's good, that's what it's for, now I'm ready to dive into The Look. A look is just a teaser, a hint of something better.
Some daughters are missing that stepping stone, but The Father is good, and He always provides a new stepping stone. He provides it in a Pastor, or in an adopted father, He provides it in allowing her to see another father interacting with his daughter.
So now we've come full circle and there is the father, and there is the daughter. He gives her the look, will she seek the original? I see the look, given to her, and I find myself wanting to be her, but no, wait, there is a reason that I got to glimpse that special look, it's to draw me deeper, to The Father, to His special Look.
I'm grateful for the copy, but I must see the original. I must see The Look.
The girl on tour
To all the Masters Commission staff, interns, and students who came to Michigan on tour throughout the years.
You made a bigger difference than you thought.
The first year you came there was a 13 year old girl, she looked at you and decided that she was going to be an MC someday, you introduced her to her aunt because you didn't realize that she was related to your host mom. She didn't mind, she thought it was funny. She watched you as you did your dances and she listened to you as you spoke and she knew that someday, that would be her.
The second year she saw you come she knew once more. Now she was 14 and she followed you wherever you went. She almost fell out of a porch door and you caught her before she hit the pavement, she was very embarised and didn't even thank you for saving her face from driveway, she simply ran away quickly to pretend it never happened. But she listened closer than before and watched you as you did work parties around her church and once more she was awakened to that desire to one day be in the Masters Commission.
The third year you came she was 15, she wasn't about to go following you around by this point, she was too cool for that by now. But she found herself moved to tears by your dances and she really didn't know what to do with herself. You prayed for her and gave her encouraging words. She clung to those with all her might throughout the next years. She told you that she wanted to be in the Masters Commission one day and you told her that that was a decision that she would never regret, she remembered those words throughout the rest of her life.
The fourth year she was 16 and she was confused about her identity, she thought she had to be cool so she wouldn't let you help her out of vans or even off of the stage; she fell off the stage and rolled her ankle. You wrapped her ankle in an ace bandage and prayed for her. She felt so alone as she watched her friends having fun with you without her, and then you came and you sat by her and talked to her and she felt much more loved. She was with you as you did your ministry and she even played soccer with you on her swollen ankle. She just wanted to be around you because you were in the Masters Commission and she sensed something very different about you, something real. More than ever she longed to be in the Masters Commission someday.
The fifth year you came the girl was 17, she didn't have too high of expectations because she figured she would never be as close with you this year as she was last year. But still she watched you do your dances and she got prayer from you for her family since her aunt had just died and the funeral was right before you arrived. She went on a mission trip the day before you left and she didn't get to say goodbye to you. But she was so thankful for the way you loved her and you gave her a prophetic drawing, the first time she had ever even heard of such a thing.
The sixth year you came she was planning on going into the Masters Commission that year and she had gone through some very hard times when she had been far from the Lord. She didn't know how she would get money and she was so afraid that if she didn't go to the Masters Commission this year she might backslide worse than before. She came in late on sunday and sat in the back of the sanctuary, she saw you and she heard you, but all she could think was "Oh Jesus, please let them see me, let them pray for me!" Then you approached her and you knelt next to her. "Do you need prayer." She exploded with emotion and she didn't even know your name, there was just so much inside that needed to come out. She was dealing with so much shame and suicidal thoughts. You could relate! You shared how the Lord had saved you from all she'd been going through and more. You prayed for her to get money and your kindness was never forgotten. She decided that she wanted to know you the rest of her life and that she wanted more than ever to be in the Masters Commission.
The seventh year you came she was hope-deferred. She thought that she would be with you by this time but she wasn't, she hadn't gotten enough money the year before and so she'd had to wait. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be in the Masters Commission anymore. She had friends here anyway and why would she leave every friendship that she'd fought so hard to get to go to a place where she didn't know anyone? She would rather get a boyfriend and just forget the whole dream. And speaking of dreams, the only ones she knew were nightmares and she couldn't even sleep at night. But she still followed you and she worked alongside you in your work parties and she went to your ministry times. She listened to you as you boldly stepped out one night and said into the microphone "I have a word for someone who has experienced a lot of disapointment, who is that?" She shrunk in her seat because she knew it was her, but never in a million years would she admit that infront of her friends. You continued, not too discouraged "Well, whoever you are, the Lord wants you to know that He hasn't forgotten you and not to give up hope, He still has a plan for you. Come up to me later and I'll pray for you." She didn't go up to you later, that would be too wierd. She simply felt ashamed that she was too afraid now to recieve prayer from you. But you loved her anyway and you spoke to her with encouragement. She went on a walk with you around the church building before you left and she decided that it didn't matter what she was leaving behind, she had to go and be in the Masters Commission. It was now or never, she didn't want to make any more decisions that she would regret, so she made the decision she would never regret as she remembered your words from long ago.
Now that girl has come to the end of her two years in the Masters Commission, she got to experience freedom that she didn't know was possible and she learned more than she ever thought she would about the Lord, and life in general. She has been through a lot of hard times and a lot of amazing times. Now you would hardely recognize that girl in Michigan on tour, because she isn't the same person anymore. She has experienced growth, and the love of the Lord every day to a all new level. She never would have gotten what she got in the Masters Commission anywhere else. It was obviously the Lords will that she be here these two years. Thank you for participating in the Fathers will. You played a part in that girls destiny. She never would have come to the Masters Commission and been so changed by the Fathers love, if she hadn't known you and if you hadn't loved her the way that you did.
I am that girl who saw you year after year, I would always watch you do your dances and I would always look for your encouraging words. Year after year I would build with you and every year I would cry as though heartbroken when you left. And now at the end of my intern year in the Masters Commission, I want you to know that you were right, it was a decision I've never regretted. I know now that it's more than just a year, it's more than just years, I've enrolled in THE Masters Commission, to forever be completely living for the the Lord.
Thank you for the impact you made in me. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord. Thank you for loving me.
If you never saw me, and if you didn't know me, that's ok, there are so many others like me. I know because I've been on tour twice now and I've met the girl more than once. She sees us year after year and every little word, every single smile, makes a difference in her life. Even if she doesn't come to the Masters Commission, she has been changed forever, the Lord has touched her through you. Be encouraged and continue to be used by the Lord.
You made a bigger difference than you thought.
The first year you came there was a 13 year old girl, she looked at you and decided that she was going to be an MC someday, you introduced her to her aunt because you didn't realize that she was related to your host mom. She didn't mind, she thought it was funny. She watched you as you did your dances and she listened to you as you spoke and she knew that someday, that would be her.
The second year she saw you come she knew once more. Now she was 14 and she followed you wherever you went. She almost fell out of a porch door and you caught her before she hit the pavement, she was very embarised and didn't even thank you for saving her face from driveway, she simply ran away quickly to pretend it never happened. But she listened closer than before and watched you as you did work parties around her church and once more she was awakened to that desire to one day be in the Masters Commission.
The third year you came she was 15, she wasn't about to go following you around by this point, she was too cool for that by now. But she found herself moved to tears by your dances and she really didn't know what to do with herself. You prayed for her and gave her encouraging words. She clung to those with all her might throughout the next years. She told you that she wanted to be in the Masters Commission one day and you told her that that was a decision that she would never regret, she remembered those words throughout the rest of her life.
The fourth year she was 16 and she was confused about her identity, she thought she had to be cool so she wouldn't let you help her out of vans or even off of the stage; she fell off the stage and rolled her ankle. You wrapped her ankle in an ace bandage and prayed for her. She felt so alone as she watched her friends having fun with you without her, and then you came and you sat by her and talked to her and she felt much more loved. She was with you as you did your ministry and she even played soccer with you on her swollen ankle. She just wanted to be around you because you were in the Masters Commission and she sensed something very different about you, something real. More than ever she longed to be in the Masters Commission someday.
The fifth year you came the girl was 17, she didn't have too high of expectations because she figured she would never be as close with you this year as she was last year. But still she watched you do your dances and she got prayer from you for her family since her aunt had just died and the funeral was right before you arrived. She went on a mission trip the day before you left and she didn't get to say goodbye to you. But she was so thankful for the way you loved her and you gave her a prophetic drawing, the first time she had ever even heard of such a thing.
The sixth year you came she was planning on going into the Masters Commission that year and she had gone through some very hard times when she had been far from the Lord. She didn't know how she would get money and she was so afraid that if she didn't go to the Masters Commission this year she might backslide worse than before. She came in late on sunday and sat in the back of the sanctuary, she saw you and she heard you, but all she could think was "Oh Jesus, please let them see me, let them pray for me!" Then you approached her and you knelt next to her. "Do you need prayer." She exploded with emotion and she didn't even know your name, there was just so much inside that needed to come out. She was dealing with so much shame and suicidal thoughts. You could relate! You shared how the Lord had saved you from all she'd been going through and more. You prayed for her to get money and your kindness was never forgotten. She decided that she wanted to know you the rest of her life and that she wanted more than ever to be in the Masters Commission.
The seventh year you came she was hope-deferred. She thought that she would be with you by this time but she wasn't, she hadn't gotten enough money the year before and so she'd had to wait. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to be in the Masters Commission anymore. She had friends here anyway and why would she leave every friendship that she'd fought so hard to get to go to a place where she didn't know anyone? She would rather get a boyfriend and just forget the whole dream. And speaking of dreams, the only ones she knew were nightmares and she couldn't even sleep at night. But she still followed you and she worked alongside you in your work parties and she went to your ministry times. She listened to you as you boldly stepped out one night and said into the microphone "I have a word for someone who has experienced a lot of disapointment, who is that?" She shrunk in her seat because she knew it was her, but never in a million years would she admit that infront of her friends. You continued, not too discouraged "Well, whoever you are, the Lord wants you to know that He hasn't forgotten you and not to give up hope, He still has a plan for you. Come up to me later and I'll pray for you." She didn't go up to you later, that would be too wierd. She simply felt ashamed that she was too afraid now to recieve prayer from you. But you loved her anyway and you spoke to her with encouragement. She went on a walk with you around the church building before you left and she decided that it didn't matter what she was leaving behind, she had to go and be in the Masters Commission. It was now or never, she didn't want to make any more decisions that she would regret, so she made the decision she would never regret as she remembered your words from long ago.
Now that girl has come to the end of her two years in the Masters Commission, she got to experience freedom that she didn't know was possible and she learned more than she ever thought she would about the Lord, and life in general. She has been through a lot of hard times and a lot of amazing times. Now you would hardely recognize that girl in Michigan on tour, because she isn't the same person anymore. She has experienced growth, and the love of the Lord every day to a all new level. She never would have gotten what she got in the Masters Commission anywhere else. It was obviously the Lords will that she be here these two years. Thank you for participating in the Fathers will. You played a part in that girls destiny. She never would have come to the Masters Commission and been so changed by the Fathers love, if she hadn't known you and if you hadn't loved her the way that you did.
I am that girl who saw you year after year, I would always watch you do your dances and I would always look for your encouraging words. Year after year I would build with you and every year I would cry as though heartbroken when you left. And now at the end of my intern year in the Masters Commission, I want you to know that you were right, it was a decision I've never regretted. I know now that it's more than just a year, it's more than just years, I've enrolled in THE Masters Commission, to forever be completely living for the the Lord.
Thank you for the impact you made in me. Thank you for being obedient to the Lord. Thank you for loving me.
If you never saw me, and if you didn't know me, that's ok, there are so many others like me. I know because I've been on tour twice now and I've met the girl more than once. She sees us year after year and every little word, every single smile, makes a difference in her life. Even if she doesn't come to the Masters Commission, she has been changed forever, the Lord has touched her through you. Be encouraged and continue to be used by the Lord.
My wall
It was a very hot day, I kind of felt like I was in a desert, the dirt was so dusty and dry but I was surrounded by trees, what a strange place I'd found myself in. I barely knew the people with me and yet they were all waiting for me to open myself up and be honest and vulnerable with them.
The question was "What is your wall? What is that thing that you come up against wherever you go?"
I didn't want to tell a bunch of people who I'd known a week that deep part of me, but I knew I had to.
"My wall," I answered "Is not giving up, I get so tired when things seem impossible that I just want to give up, so maybe endurance or perseverence?"
"How do you feel when you give up?" was the next question, sure, why not tell you all my inner thoughts, you'll find out eventually I'm sure.
"I find it easier to give up next time until I have no confidence in myself whatsoever."
Ok, moving on to the next person. Phew, I said it all, the spotlight was no longer on me.
Imediately I was second guessing myself, what if that wasn't my wall, what if I said the wrong thing, what if everyone was afraid I'd just bail on them when things got hard. Shooot, I could talk what-ifs until the world ends!
Later on I had completed the "Flying Squirrel" all we had to do was run and be lifted from the ground by a series of ropes and pulleys, not too hard, though going into it I was so afraid. But I was on top of the world, I was ready to take on ANYTHING! Or so I thought, that was before I was asked to take "Leap of Faith".
I looked up at the pole, it went up 50 feet in the air and I would have to climb all that way! Not only that but then I would have to get on top of it and jump to try and catch a trapeze which was way out of my reach! My stomach ached just looking at it, but nevertheless I began my climb.
I may have been 3 steps up when I thought "WHAT AM I DOING!? THIS IS SO CRAZY!" But I told myself to keep going, I was wearing a harness and my team mates held me up by a rope. I wouldn't die, even if I did fall!
I climbed on up and everything was shaking until I reached the top, I thought that the jump would be the hardest but it wasn't! Getting on top of the swaying pole was the hardest! It felt like I was frozen there for an eternity, but in reality it was only 5 minutes. Others called out encouragements but nothing would work, I couldn't get my legs to move, I couldn't let go of the pole with my hands, and standing seemed impossible! I only wanted to give up and climb back down the way I had come up, but no! That was my wall! I couldn't give up! Never!
Finally I was up and I wasn't even sure how it had happened, I had been whispering "Jesus" the entire time and now I was standing on the pole with my arms outstretched as if I was worshipping Him. But I was terrified, standing on a 50 foot swaying telephone pole. Now all I had to do was just jump!
I smiled as I heard my friends cheering me on and I counted in a shaky voice, "1, 2, 3." But nothing happened! I was supposed to be jumping but my legs wouldn't do it!
"You will not die!" I growled to myself "Help me Jesus!"
"Hey!" Called a student, "It's a happy day!" and they all burst into singing "Oh! Happy Day, Happy Day! You washed my sins away!"
I laughed as I remembered my encouraging them that morning to wake up and act like it really was a happy day, how courageous I'd been that morning as I'd leaped about and shouted "Come on! It's a happy day! Weren't you saved from a lot? Lets be literal here! Look happy when you sing Happy Day!"
Then I realized that I was standing with my arms outstretched and they were singing Happy Day and really, I was worshipping of top of that height, all I had to do was jump, just like I always did in worship!
I started singing along with them and then I jumped, overcoming my fear and my temptation to quit and placing all my trust in Jesus.
Why do I tell you this story, well, because I did it another girl decided that she would. And now I can't think of giving up because I didn't that once and something broke!
Do something you're afraid of today. Do it as worship to the Lord and others will be inspired to follow you.
I've not felt the same ever since I jumped, something changed, others have told me even by just looking at me that I'm different.
So this is to encourage you, just do it! Jump! It's a happy day! Conquer that wall, whatever it may be, and never, never, never give up!
The question was "What is your wall? What is that thing that you come up against wherever you go?"
I didn't want to tell a bunch of people who I'd known a week that deep part of me, but I knew I had to.
"My wall," I answered "Is not giving up, I get so tired when things seem impossible that I just want to give up, so maybe endurance or perseverence?"
"How do you feel when you give up?" was the next question, sure, why not tell you all my inner thoughts, you'll find out eventually I'm sure.
"I find it easier to give up next time until I have no confidence in myself whatsoever."
Ok, moving on to the next person. Phew, I said it all, the spotlight was no longer on me.
Imediately I was second guessing myself, what if that wasn't my wall, what if I said the wrong thing, what if everyone was afraid I'd just bail on them when things got hard. Shooot, I could talk what-ifs until the world ends!
Later on I had completed the "Flying Squirrel" all we had to do was run and be lifted from the ground by a series of ropes and pulleys, not too hard, though going into it I was so afraid. But I was on top of the world, I was ready to take on ANYTHING! Or so I thought, that was before I was asked to take "Leap of Faith".
I looked up at the pole, it went up 50 feet in the air and I would have to climb all that way! Not only that but then I would have to get on top of it and jump to try and catch a trapeze which was way out of my reach! My stomach ached just looking at it, but nevertheless I began my climb.
I may have been 3 steps up when I thought "WHAT AM I DOING!? THIS IS SO CRAZY!" But I told myself to keep going, I was wearing a harness and my team mates held me up by a rope. I wouldn't die, even if I did fall!
I climbed on up and everything was shaking until I reached the top, I thought that the jump would be the hardest but it wasn't! Getting on top of the swaying pole was the hardest! It felt like I was frozen there for an eternity, but in reality it was only 5 minutes. Others called out encouragements but nothing would work, I couldn't get my legs to move, I couldn't let go of the pole with my hands, and standing seemed impossible! I only wanted to give up and climb back down the way I had come up, but no! That was my wall! I couldn't give up! Never!
Finally I was up and I wasn't even sure how it had happened, I had been whispering "Jesus" the entire time and now I was standing on the pole with my arms outstretched as if I was worshipping Him. But I was terrified, standing on a 50 foot swaying telephone pole. Now all I had to do was just jump!
I smiled as I heard my friends cheering me on and I counted in a shaky voice, "1, 2, 3." But nothing happened! I was supposed to be jumping but my legs wouldn't do it!
"You will not die!" I growled to myself "Help me Jesus!"
"Hey!" Called a student, "It's a happy day!" and they all burst into singing "Oh! Happy Day, Happy Day! You washed my sins away!"
I laughed as I remembered my encouraging them that morning to wake up and act like it really was a happy day, how courageous I'd been that morning as I'd leaped about and shouted "Come on! It's a happy day! Weren't you saved from a lot? Lets be literal here! Look happy when you sing Happy Day!"
Then I realized that I was standing with my arms outstretched and they were singing Happy Day and really, I was worshipping of top of that height, all I had to do was jump, just like I always did in worship!
I started singing along with them and then I jumped, overcoming my fear and my temptation to quit and placing all my trust in Jesus.
Why do I tell you this story, well, because I did it another girl decided that she would. And now I can't think of giving up because I didn't that once and something broke!
Do something you're afraid of today. Do it as worship to the Lord and others will be inspired to follow you.
I've not felt the same ever since I jumped, something changed, others have told me even by just looking at me that I'm different.
So this is to encourage you, just do it! Jump! It's a happy day! Conquer that wall, whatever it may be, and never, never, never give up!
Speak to me
Here in the dark, the stars above
Here in the light, surrounded by love
Even if you ascend as a dove
Even when push comes to shove
Please hear me up above
Speak to me.
When all I hear are lies
When all I can do is look to the skies
From my lips come groans and sighs
When tears will not stop flowing from my eyes
Only you will hear my cries
Speak to me.
When I'm afraid, and no one is around
When I am with friends not listening for the sound
When I am lost, groping the ground
Even if I am nearly drowned
Speak to me.
If ever I lie, if ever I steal
If ever I refuse to believe what is real
Even if I never get to eat another meal
Do not from me your voice conceal
Speak to me.
Don't let me run away
Don't leave me for even a day
I don't want my own way
Be with me when the world is gray
Come what will, come what may
Speak to me.
When I make the worst mistake
And when all I am is a fake
When my heart will only ache
In the storm, in the quake
Grap my shoulders, give me a shake
Speak to me.
In the desert with no shade
In the water that I wade
By myself or in a crowd,
I am listening
Speak so loud!
Just speak to me.
Here in the light, surrounded by love
Even if you ascend as a dove
Even when push comes to shove
Please hear me up above
Speak to me.
When all I hear are lies
When all I can do is look to the skies
From my lips come groans and sighs
When tears will not stop flowing from my eyes
Only you will hear my cries
Speak to me.
When I'm afraid, and no one is around
When I am with friends not listening for the sound
When I am lost, groping the ground
Even if I am nearly drowned
Speak to me.
If ever I lie, if ever I steal
If ever I refuse to believe what is real
Even if I never get to eat another meal
Do not from me your voice conceal
Speak to me.
Don't let me run away
Don't leave me for even a day
I don't want my own way
Be with me when the world is gray
Come what will, come what may
Speak to me.
When I make the worst mistake
And when all I am is a fake
When my heart will only ache
In the storm, in the quake
Grap my shoulders, give me a shake
Speak to me.
In the desert with no shade
In the water that I wade
By myself or in a crowd,
I am listening
Speak so loud!
Just speak to me.
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