It was a day of great celebration, love filled the air and every guest was in joyful spirits. They had come to celebrate the Princess Day's birthday. The Princess herself was arrayed in splendor as she danced every dance with her Father. Finally toward the end of the night, when the Princess was beginning to feel a very blissful sleepiness steal over her, and her Father seemed to sense it; He stood and drew the attention of all to himself.
"I would like make a speech." He announced. The entire room awaited in eager expectation, they always loved to hear what their King had to say.
"On this celebration of my daughters birth, and I want you all to know along with her, how proud I am of her." He turned and drew his daughter from her chair and stood for a moment gazing into her eyes. Tears welled up in his eyes "Dear one, Day, I am so proud of you. I will do anything to keep our relationship always as strong as it is now. I am proud to be your Father." He turned to the crowd "This is my beloved Daughter, Day, in whom I am well pleased!" He proclaimed, and the room erupted in applause.
The two left the guests to disperse and the King escorted his daughter to her bedroom. "Day," He stopped her before her door, and withdrew from the inside pocket of his jacket a very small wrapped bundle.
"This is your gift." His eyes were full of joy as she excitedly received it and unwrapped it with quick little fingers. Dropping the wrappings to the floor she carefully held in her hands a beautiful glass heart, dangling from a thin ribbon. So great was the hearts beauty that she could not stop looking at it. It was so simple and so fair, delicate to the point where she feared even her tiny hands might crush it, should she hold it too tightly.
The King beamed "Do you like it? I made it for you myself!" She carefully placed it on the sill beside her, and flung herself into her Fathers arms. "I love it Papa, it is my favorite thing I've ever seen or been given! I am afraid I will crush it!" The King laughed and then nodded seriously, "would you like for me to keep it safe for you?"
She nodded and he continued "you may look at it any time you like."
And it was off to bed with the happy little princess.
Day went often to the Kings chambers to gaze on her little glass heart. She loved it and she loved even more to spend time with her Father and talk to him about everything she could think of.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
After a day of struggle; a little encouragement in the end goes a long way.
"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken, and hope returned to him. For, like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach. His song in the tower had been defiance rather than hope; for then he was thinking of himself. Now, for a moment, his own fate, and even his master’s, ceised to trouble him. He crawled back into the brambles and laid himself by Frodo’s side, and putting away all fear he cast himself into a deep untroubled sleep."
-J.R.R. Tolkien’s, The Return of the King.
This is quite possibly the most inspirational part of this entire book to me. I love the hope and the poetry that is in this piece. I love the truths that there are some things that can't be tainted by evil, that the Shadow really is a passing thing, and that I can for a moment cease to think of my own fate and worries when I look at the stars in the sky. And I can, like Sam put away all fear and cast myself into a deep untroubled sleep.
Good night.
-J.R.R. Tolkien’s, The Return of the King.
This is quite possibly the most inspirational part of this entire book to me. I love the hope and the poetry that is in this piece. I love the truths that there are some things that can't be tainted by evil, that the Shadow really is a passing thing, and that I can for a moment cease to think of my own fate and worries when I look at the stars in the sky. And I can, like Sam put away all fear and cast myself into a deep untroubled sleep.
Good night.
When I want to cry I'll let you know
Recently I'm realizing again how I dislike goodbyes. Goodbyes are always the hardest thing for me. Every goodbye I say is like I'm saying them all over again. Even if it's goodbye for a little while, I can't seem to convince myself of that. I just love people so whole heartedly that by the time they leave it's as if they've become a piece of me.
Often times, when someone very close to me is going to leave and the date of their departure draws nearer I find myself suddenly drawing farther away from them, even to the point of finding fault with them at times. It's as if I think that it won't hurt me to say goodbye quite as much if I just don't know them as well. But I guess that's a little silly; I already know them and I can't un-know them now; it's too late for that!
So then I wish I could know ahead of time where my friends are going in life, so then I would be able to figure out if I really want to be friends with them based off of when they are leaving, and how long they'll be gone.
But then I suppose that if I knew ahead of time I would end up with only one or two friends (and that's generous!), simply because I'm afraid of the hurt of a goodbye.
They say that if you're facing a choice that you aught to do the one you are most afraid of doing. In this case, that would be loving again, making a new friend, giving my heart once more.
Only I've given my heart; again and again. And I've said goodbye; again and again. I can only hope that my tears are watering a seed that will one day grow into a magnificent tree, one that others can come to and rest and take refuge under. I'm going through the things I'm going through in order to become who I need to become, so that I can go where I need to go and reach who I need to reach.
Really, even though my friends may all at different points leave me and go one way or another (wherever their journey takes them) and even if I have to say goodbye to a hundred more; it's worth it. Not even just for now, but in the future as well. Just think how many different connections I could have one day! Friends in the army, friends in the government, friends in the media, friends in business, friends in law, friends in the medical field, friends all over the world and in all sorts of different occupations! And I'll still know them, even if I haven't seen them for years we'll still have some sort of bonding point from our past.
Perhaps todays "Goodbye" is actually an opportunity for a "Hello again!" That doesn't mean I like it, and that doesn't take away the hurt; but it is a little bit of hope for the future, and a little comfort in pain.
Just some thoughts.
Often times, when someone very close to me is going to leave and the date of their departure draws nearer I find myself suddenly drawing farther away from them, even to the point of finding fault with them at times. It's as if I think that it won't hurt me to say goodbye quite as much if I just don't know them as well. But I guess that's a little silly; I already know them and I can't un-know them now; it's too late for that!
So then I wish I could know ahead of time where my friends are going in life, so then I would be able to figure out if I really want to be friends with them based off of when they are leaving, and how long they'll be gone.
But then I suppose that if I knew ahead of time I would end up with only one or two friends (and that's generous!), simply because I'm afraid of the hurt of a goodbye.
They say that if you're facing a choice that you aught to do the one you are most afraid of doing. In this case, that would be loving again, making a new friend, giving my heart once more.
Only I've given my heart; again and again. And I've said goodbye; again and again. I can only hope that my tears are watering a seed that will one day grow into a magnificent tree, one that others can come to and rest and take refuge under. I'm going through the things I'm going through in order to become who I need to become, so that I can go where I need to go and reach who I need to reach.
Really, even though my friends may all at different points leave me and go one way or another (wherever their journey takes them) and even if I have to say goodbye to a hundred more; it's worth it. Not even just for now, but in the future as well. Just think how many different connections I could have one day! Friends in the army, friends in the government, friends in the media, friends in business, friends in law, friends in the medical field, friends all over the world and in all sorts of different occupations! And I'll still know them, even if I haven't seen them for years we'll still have some sort of bonding point from our past.
Perhaps todays "Goodbye" is actually an opportunity for a "Hello again!" That doesn't mean I like it, and that doesn't take away the hurt; but it is a little bit of hope for the future, and a little comfort in pain.
Just some thoughts.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
floor drops out
It's been a while since I've tried writing anything really. Suddenly I'm finding that people are urging me to write. I had a friend give me $50.00 to write, because she believes that I have a gift. I had my second Dad give me his old lap top, because he believes that I have a gift. I guess my fear is that I don't really have a gift, but that it's all in my head, that I can't really write, and that when I do finally write something, they'll realize that they were wrong to believe in me.
Others believe more strongly in my gift than I do. God help me to see this through your eyes, if you've given me a gift truly, help me to use it to your glory, and I know it's not all about pleasing men, but I really don't want to disappoint, especially those who have invested in me so much. I guess this is one of those things where I can't trust myself and my own ability, I need to trust God in me.
Others believe more strongly in my gift than I do. God help me to see this through your eyes, if you've given me a gift truly, help me to use it to your glory, and I know it's not all about pleasing men, but I really don't want to disappoint, especially those who have invested in me so much. I guess this is one of those things where I can't trust myself and my own ability, I need to trust God in me.
Monday, January 10, 2011
when all else fails
Have you ever spent a day just failing? Waking late, taking someone else's shower time, not using a coaster, eating your breakfast in the living room, being late for your bus, making every mistake possible at work, and finally coming home just weary and dragged out. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my failures that I can't even stand to be me, and this was such a day.
As I left the house this morning a sinister voice whispered in my ear "call yourself a daughter!" and that was when the day was thrown into a reeling orbit of mistakes, as I watched everything I touch turn to dust I wondered what in the world it was all for.
Finally on my way home I was suffocating with the voices of condemnation and failure ringing in my ears, I felt my shoulders drooping and realized I was hanging my head in shame. In a last desperate attempt I picked up my ipod and pushed shuffle, praying that the first song would be what I needed. It wasn't, it didn't surprise me, nothing else had worked out this day, so why on earth should that?
When I got off the bus however something changed, some familiar fight kicked in as a silly song called "Who's Who" by Rick Pino came on. The lyrics of the song are as follows;
"Stick your tongue out like when you were a child
Stick your tongue out like when you were a child cause it's rainin'
Oh it's rainin!
Stop tryin' to be the next who's who,
and only try to be the next you!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!"
It keeps going after that but that was where my fight kicked in. It hit me that wether I'd made a million mistakes that day, or only one, He really does love me like I am, and I declared this at the top of my lungs. I yelled out these words in defiance at the mean voices that had been condemning me all day.
I realized that when all else fails, there is still love, "love never fails" 1 Cor 13.
He loves me like I am. That's really all that matters isn't it?
As I left the house this morning a sinister voice whispered in my ear "call yourself a daughter!" and that was when the day was thrown into a reeling orbit of mistakes, as I watched everything I touch turn to dust I wondered what in the world it was all for.
Finally on my way home I was suffocating with the voices of condemnation and failure ringing in my ears, I felt my shoulders drooping and realized I was hanging my head in shame. In a last desperate attempt I picked up my ipod and pushed shuffle, praying that the first song would be what I needed. It wasn't, it didn't surprise me, nothing else had worked out this day, so why on earth should that?
When I got off the bus however something changed, some familiar fight kicked in as a silly song called "Who's Who" by Rick Pino came on. The lyrics of the song are as follows;
"Stick your tongue out like when you were a child
Stick your tongue out like when you were a child cause it's rainin'
Oh it's rainin!
Stop tryin' to be the next who's who,
and only try to be the next you!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!
He loves me like I am!"
It keeps going after that but that was where my fight kicked in. It hit me that wether I'd made a million mistakes that day, or only one, He really does love me like I am, and I declared this at the top of my lungs. I yelled out these words in defiance at the mean voices that had been condemning me all day.
I realized that when all else fails, there is still love, "love never fails" 1 Cor 13.
He loves me like I am. That's really all that matters isn't it?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Fasting
Tomorrow marks the beginning of our week long church fast. I'm going to be fasting on only water and tea, this includes honey and lemon juice. Also at the end of the day I may have a glass of juice, if I feel I'm going to die.
There are a number of things going into this fast that I'm nervous about. We will be having prayer meetings every night and I will be surrounded by others who are fasting all week long, the parts I'm nervous about are work, especially saturday when I will be unable to go to the prayer meeting due to working. Help me Jesus. There is something about those prayer meetings that gives me the same energy as I would expect from a steak or a cup of coffee. I guess it's just the supernatural grace of God, as we worship Him and pray we mount up on wings as eagles.
It will be interesting to see how well I can take care of an energetic little boy, and how well I can think when dealing with confusing insurance stuff, or crazy number crunching. Still this is the Lords fast, and I think He knows how much I can handle, He will grace me with the ability to do it.
So even though I'm afraid I'm going to die, I will trust Him, that this is good.
Really I'm excited for this fast, I've been needing to get away from the computer, away from the TV and Movies, and really get right and close to God again.
These are my personal goals for this fast:
An increase in my intimacy with Him
Clear direction in my life
Deeper levels of trust and growth
A stronger prayer life
My family; healing and reconciliation, and deeper relationships with the Lord.
Also that I would learn to overflow with God's love unto others.
For now, that's it. I'll see you in a week. Pray for me that I am not weak but strong and don't give up on the fast that the Lord has given me this year.
There are a number of things going into this fast that I'm nervous about. We will be having prayer meetings every night and I will be surrounded by others who are fasting all week long, the parts I'm nervous about are work, especially saturday when I will be unable to go to the prayer meeting due to working. Help me Jesus. There is something about those prayer meetings that gives me the same energy as I would expect from a steak or a cup of coffee. I guess it's just the supernatural grace of God, as we worship Him and pray we mount up on wings as eagles.
It will be interesting to see how well I can take care of an energetic little boy, and how well I can think when dealing with confusing insurance stuff, or crazy number crunching. Still this is the Lords fast, and I think He knows how much I can handle, He will grace me with the ability to do it.
So even though I'm afraid I'm going to die, I will trust Him, that this is good.
Really I'm excited for this fast, I've been needing to get away from the computer, away from the TV and Movies, and really get right and close to God again.
These are my personal goals for this fast:
An increase in my intimacy with Him
Clear direction in my life
Deeper levels of trust and growth
A stronger prayer life
My family; healing and reconciliation, and deeper relationships with the Lord.
Also that I would learn to overflow with God's love unto others.
For now, that's it. I'll see you in a week. Pray for me that I am not weak but strong and don't give up on the fast that the Lord has given me this year.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Life is not fair
"That's not fair!" I cried in outrage when my sister got to go and I did not. "Life is not fair" was always my Mothers reply. I didn't get it back then, I didn't understand why it couldn't be, and I didn't understand why it was pointed out to me every single time.
Now I'm an adult and don't live with my parents anymore, but still my Mom's words echo in my mind. Every time I want to go where others are going and somehow it doesn't work out. Every time I see another living the dream that I've dreamed my whole life. Every time he smiles at her. Every time I wake up in a home not my own. Every time I watch another get credit for what I did. I cry and pout in my heart and shout to God when I'm alone, "That's NOT fair!" and I hear Him reply sounding much like my Moms voice "Life is not fair."
I'm finally beginning to understand; others may but I may not. No, I don't drink and it isn't always by my own choice, and yes, my friends do, and no it isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be fair. Every person is different so I guess everyone will get to do different things. Sometimes God tells me I can't do the things that my friends can do.
God help me to listen when you say no, and not to stomp my foot and cry and scream and throw a little baby fit. No, it isn't fair, but that's ok. It doesn't need to be fair, it needs to be you.
Maybe there's a reason for all the unfairness of life, maybe there's a reason I'm not married or in a relationship yet while a lot of my friends are heading that direction. There is something that I have to learn in the unfair times, and I can only pray that I won't be to dense or wrapped up in the unfairness of it all to understand the purpose behind it.
Perhaps it's that I'm still in school and every unfair thing is a test to see how I will react. Will I throw a fit to get my way? Or will I submit and obey, trusting that God know's best.
Now I'm an adult and don't live with my parents anymore, but still my Mom's words echo in my mind. Every time I want to go where others are going and somehow it doesn't work out. Every time I see another living the dream that I've dreamed my whole life. Every time he smiles at her. Every time I wake up in a home not my own. Every time I watch another get credit for what I did. I cry and pout in my heart and shout to God when I'm alone, "That's NOT fair!" and I hear Him reply sounding much like my Moms voice "Life is not fair."
I'm finally beginning to understand; others may but I may not. No, I don't drink and it isn't always by my own choice, and yes, my friends do, and no it isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be fair. Every person is different so I guess everyone will get to do different things. Sometimes God tells me I can't do the things that my friends can do.
God help me to listen when you say no, and not to stomp my foot and cry and scream and throw a little baby fit. No, it isn't fair, but that's ok. It doesn't need to be fair, it needs to be you.
Maybe there's a reason for all the unfairness of life, maybe there's a reason I'm not married or in a relationship yet while a lot of my friends are heading that direction. There is something that I have to learn in the unfair times, and I can only pray that I won't be to dense or wrapped up in the unfairness of it all to understand the purpose behind it.
Perhaps it's that I'm still in school and every unfair thing is a test to see how I will react. Will I throw a fit to get my way? Or will I submit and obey, trusting that God know's best.
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